roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
