when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
We're too hungover to prance.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
