I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
