Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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