just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
