I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You're breaking my sexual little heart
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
