I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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