Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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