You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
