Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
