Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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