Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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