and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
