this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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