Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
