i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
