I wish my penis had an off switch
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
