Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
