just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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