And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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