im holly from the hills drunk
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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