WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
