before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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