umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
