____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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