White coat. Heels.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
