New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
