The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
