i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
