The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
