Well apparently he's into motor boating.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
