I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
