Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
