I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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