cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
