dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
