I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
