When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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