dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
