I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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