I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
