guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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