yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
