But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
