end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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