yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
