some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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