remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
