Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Randomize