but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
