I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
