Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
