3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize