you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
