I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize