Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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