I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
