It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
