I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
