Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
