Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
