Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
