How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Randomize
