This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
