Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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