in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
