remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
