Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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