If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
