I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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