it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
