Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
