I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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